I Messed Up
by phoebe9509
Summary: Hotch is shot and in an instant Emily confesses her feelings. How will Hotch take it?
1. Chapter 1

Emily was turning the corner when she heard the shot. Without thinking about her own safety she quickly ran into the house and searched all the rooms downstairs. Not finding anything she raced up the steps taking them two at a time. She knew something was wrong because the way her heart was pounding at not seeing the one person she needed to walk towards her. Where was he? If he was the one who fired the shot then she would have ran into him by now. Emily ran into the bedroom and her heart dropped into her stomach. The window was open and she quickly peered out and saw the UNSUB running through the yard getting away. She radioed the rest of the team telling them he was on foot, and that she needed an ambulance and then turned back around.

She dropped to her knees besides the man who she had come to have deep feelings for. "Hotch? It's me Emily. You're going to be okay, do you hear me?" Emily watched as Hotch winced in pain as she put pressure on his bullet wound on his stomach. So many thoughts were running through Emily's frantic mind. Why did she let him go into the house alone? Why didn't they clear the perimeter and then head in together? Instead she let him go in by himself and look what happened.

Blood seeped through Emily's hands as she tried to control the bleeding some. Emily watched as Hotch tried to say something but failed to do so. Tears filled her eyes as she thought that this might be the end. She looked down at her hands once more then quickly removed them and ripped her jacket off of her body and placed it on the wound.

"I know it hurts Hotch, but help is on the way. I need you to hold on okay? Please don't die on me." She begged as tears escaped her eyes and bounced off of his shirt. One of Hotch's hands latched onto her arm and her eyes met his again. She saw the pain and the worry in his eyes, and she knew that all he wanted from her was for her to tell him that he was going to be okay.

"You aren't going anywhere Hotch. You're going to be fine. It's not even that bad," she lied even though she knew he realized she wasn't telling the truth. Emily could hear the sirens in the background heading towards the house and she let out a deep sigh of relief. "Do you hear that Hotch? They're coming to help you. Just keep holding on. Keep fighting for me."

"I—" Hotch tried to talk again but the pain he was in cut him off. Emily stared at him and realized that this moment may be the very last time she sees him alive. If she doesn't tell him now she'll never be able to live with herself. So without thinking she told him what she never planned on ever telling him.

"I love you," she blurted out quickly. She watched as Hotch's eyes widened slightly at her admission. "God I love you in a really big, horrible, give me butterflies type of way." Tears readily made their way down her pale cheeks as she tried to tell the man beside her how much he meant to her. "I'm so sorry that it took me this long to tell you, and I'm sorry that it took a tragedy for me to confess my feelings."

Hotch's breathing became more labored and Emily quickly grabbed a hold of his hand and squeezed. "There is nothing more that I want in the world than for you to get up and let us start a life together. We can," she paused as she struggled to speak, "go on dates and show the world how amazing we can be together. I need you to get up so I can kiss you for the first time, so I can show you how much you mean to me."

"Pre—"was all Hotch was able to say before he passed out, leaving Emily above him crying uncontrollably begging for him to wake back up. Help crashed through the door and moved Emily aside as they loaded Hotch onto the stretcher. Morgan came into the room and looked at the scene. He bent down and wrapped an arm around Emily's waist as he helped her stand. Morgan began walking them down the steps after Hotch as he pulled her closer to him trying to calm her down. The soft words of hope and encouragement were exactly what Emily needed right now considering the fact that the man she was in love with was dying and she also needed it because the second after she confessed her feelings to that very man, he began to call her by her last name. Everything inside of Emily hurt, but above all her heart was breaking slowly.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily bit her nails nervously as she shakily held her phone against her ear praying for the blonde to answer.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up," she begged quietly as she paced back and forth. Finally a beep came through and she sighed before leaving a message.

"Hey Jay," she mumbled, "It's me. I um, Hotch was shot today and he's in surgery at the moment and…" she trailed off. Taking a deep breath she rattled off her next statement quickly while struggling to get her tears and emotions under control.

"The worst part about all of this—like him being shot wasn't enough—is that I was the one who found him and I don't know I saw him lying there fighting for his life and I ended up confessing my feelings for him," she cried. Emily hastily wiped her tears away before groaning loudly. "JJ, I told him everything I told you and then some and I watched as his eyes widened in fear as I kept talking. It was like I couldn't stop. He was most likely lying there in pain thinking to himself this may be my last moments on Earth and you want to make it worse by telling me how you feel?"

Emily slid down the wall she was leaning on until she was crouched down. "Then to top it all off, right before he lost consciousness he looked at me and started to say my last name!" Emily couldn't control the tears any longer. She didn't care if the people walking by were looking at her strangely, she just couldn't hold it in anymore. "I told him I loved him and he was starting to call me Prentiss! PRENTISS!" she yelled.

After taking a deep breath again and looking at her surroundings Emily whispered into the phone. "Are you hiring? I can't look at him and not feel like I want to drive full speed into a wall repeatedly. I—" Emily looked up and saw the doctor coming out to talk to the group. She stood up and practically ran towards him. "I gotta go JJ. I'll call you back." With that she hung up and stared at the doctor anxiously. Morgan glanced at her and noticed the faded tear streaks on her cheeks and without any hesitation, the dark agent grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly. Emily shot him a look of thanks.

"He's going to be fine," the doctor finally said. "He's resting now. He's been drifting in and out for about the last twenty minutes but I didn't want to come down until one of you would be allowed to go up. Now is there an Agent Prentiss here?" he asked as he looked at each member.

Emily's hand slowly drifted up. "Me."

The young doctor's eyes landed on her. "You can go first Agent, he's been asking for you."

Emily felt the nausea bubble up into her throat. She couldn't go up there yet. She was no where near ready to see the man who unknowingly broke her heart. She couldn't see him yet in another hospital bed looking vulnerable knowing that he didn't want or need her help. Knowing that he didn't want or need _her._

She shot Rossi a look then looked back at the doctor. "Dave," she pointed to the older man, "can go first."

Dave was about to protest before Emily's eyes locked onto his and he saw worry and fear running through hers. She wasn't ready to see Hotch and Dave had a feeling there was more to it then he had been shot, but all he did was nod then head after the doctor.

Before Emily even thought about it she released Morgan's hand and headed towards the exit. She ignored Reid calling lightly after her. Emily walked through the sliding doors then leaned against the wall. The bricks felt cold along her back, seeping right through her thin shirt.

He was going to be okay, she thought to herself. They got the bullet out and he was alive. She released a sigh of relief and then felt more tears rush from her eyes. She was relieved that he was alright, the last thing she wanted was for something to happen to him, but a small part of her started to panic over how working with him was going to play out. Could JJ get her a job? Should she switch to a new department? Could she really give up her family and the job she loves because she was embarrassed? Emily began to wonder if she could slip away from the team before Hotch was even allowed back in the office. After wiping her face for what felt like the hundredth time that day Emily knew she was being ridiculous. Yes she acted without thinking and yes she felt like a giant loser, but Emily knew she could never give up on her job because of that. Deep down Emily knew that Hotch would let her confession slide by and act like nothing was ever said. That's the type of guy he was.

Emily pouted slightly before banging her head against the wall once. She was going to have to find a way to get over him, but she had no clue on how to go about that and that above all else had her the most upset. She had spent hours, days, months, years thinking about how things could be different between them. Emily used to think of the day they'd first kiss, and now all that thinking was for nothing and she was going to have to get those stupid silly teenage fantasies out of her head. Then again, she knew no box inside of her brain was big enough for that.


	3. Chapter 3

Dave strolled into room 617 and his eyes widened slightly when he saw how pale the man before him was. Hearing someone enter Hotch looked up, and Dave could have sworn that a look of disappointment crossed his face but he let it slide.

"How are you feeling?" the older man asked as he stepped closer to the bed.

"Like I've been shot," he deadpanned.

"Funny," Rossi chuckled. "You had us worried there for a minute you know."

Hotch nodded his head and winced slightly as he tried to change his position on the bed to be more comfortable. "Sorry about that." Silence passed between the pair and Hotch finally asked the question he wanted to ask the second Dave walked through the door. "Where's Prentiss?"

"She'll be along shortly, she wanted to call JJ and tell her what happened that's all." Dave didn't know what the hell was going on but he knew that something was. Hotch was clearly disappointed he wasn't Emily and Emily practically refused to come up and see him. The thought that the two of them were in a relationship briefly crossed his mind but he shook that idea to the side considering today was the first day he noticed anything differently.

"I could put on a wig and some make up if it'll make you feel better," Rossi offered.

Hotch bit back a laugh, "no thank you."

"You know," Rossi started, deciding to push for information, "Emily was pretty upset. I mean more than I thought she would be." Dave watched as Hotch's face became a shade paler.

"She found me," Hotch explained. "She probably thought I died the second I passed out."

"Is that why you asked for her?"

"Is what why I asked for her?"

"To show her that you are alive even though the doctor told her downstairs?" Dave clarified.

Hotch gazed up at his friend and felt the need to shove him out of his room. He wanted to, no, he needed to see Emily, but that wasn't happening with Dave in the room. Then again he couldn't say 'oh hey Dave, can you leave and tell Emily to come up here so we can straighten out the words that were exchanged? Thanks.' "Yes," Hotch lied. "I don't want her to continue to worry."

"Well, I'll head back down and send her right up," Dave said as he patted Hotch's foot. "Take it easy." At those words he went on a search for a certain raven haired beauty.

After stopping at the waiting room and finding no Emily he made his way outside. Dave turned a corner to see Emily leaning as still as a statue against the wall with her eyes closed. Rossi frowned as he got closer when he noticed the tears sliding down her now rosy cheeks. Dave reached up a hand and lightly brushed her tears away with his thumb. Emily jumped and raised her fists to swing when she noticed it was only Dave.

"What's wrong?" she blurted out. "Did something happen?"

"Nothing like that at all," Dave replied as he held up his hands as if to surrender. "Just came to let you know Hotch is awake and wants to see you."

"Oh."

"Oh?" he repeated. "That's all you have to say?"

"What did you want me to say?"

"I don't know. Thanks Dave, I'm heading up now might be nice."

"Fine. I'll go," she started off towards the hospital door before saying another word as Rossi watched her huff away.

Emily paced outside of Hotch's room for ten minutes. Any idea of what to say to him quickly escaped her mind. Was she supposed to act like she never said anything? She _wished_ she had never said anything.

Finally mustering up the courage Emily pushed the door open quietly and walked in. Hotch was paler than usual and he looked like he was on his death bed. Emily sighed as she realized Hotch was asleep. Thanking her lucky stars she back tracked quickly out of the room before he woke up. All the way back downstairs Emily was thankful that she now had more time to think of what to do before she had to see him awake. But the picture of him lying there pale and hurt was imprinted in her brain and she knew just from how she felt from when she saw him, that even though he may not have wanted her that didn't change the way she felt about him.

Rossi returned to Hotch's room an hour later and he once again watched as his friends face fell. Deciding to know why he decided to push. "Why so glum?" he asked as Hotch shifted to lean on his good side.

"What do you mean?"

"You're okay, everyone came up to see you and you still look like someone kicked your puppy."

Hotch's brow flitted together. "Emily never came," he said slowly, trying not to let Dave know that it bothered him.

"She came," he informed his friend. When Hotch shot him a disbelieving look, Dave continued. "Once I left you, I headed down to find her. She came right up. When she returned she told me you were asleep, but Emily did come see you."

Relief ran across Hotch's face before he schooled his features. She didn't hate him. He fell asleep before Emily was able to talk to him. But if he had been asleep why didn't she wake him or wait until he woke up? Returning to see him when he was awake crossed his mind, but maybe she left already.

Dave watched his friend debate with himself. The reason why both of his friends were acting weird was still a mystery to him, so he figured he'd save Hotch the trouble of saying what he wanted to. "I'll find her again and tell her you want to see her. Don't worry," Dave reassured Hotch as he said his goodbye and headed for the door leaving Hotch alone with his thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

_So I wasn't going to post this until Tuesday but __LoveHGSS talked me into posting it tonight…the last chapter will be up on Tuesday so you won't have to wait that long! Read, enjoy and review if you have a minute! _

After two days of avoiding Hotch, Emily knew that she had to go up and see him. Everyone had told her that he asked about her more than once and Rossi was starting to give her evil looks for not going to see him when he was actually awake. Standing outside of his hospital room door Emily tried to compose herself. Nothing bad was going to happen in there, she wasn't going to let it. Finally mustering up the courage to open the door, she stepped inside and her heart beat a little bit faster despite herself at the smile Hotch produced for her when she walked through the door.

"Emily," Hotch said in surprise as he sat up in the bed, wincing once in pain from the quick movement.

"Hi," she whispered.

"It took two days for you to come see me," he informed her in a slightly hurt tone.

Emily's head snapped up and her eyes locked onto his. "I was here the day you were shot Hotch, you were asleep," she hissed. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths; she didn't come here to argue with him. All she wanted to do was make sure he saw her this time so he could stop asking everyone for her and hopefully Dave would stop looking at her like she was going to hell for not visiting her friend. "How are you feeling?" Emily asked in a much gentler tone.

"Better. The doctor said that I should be able to go home today."

An awkward silence filled the room where neither party knew what to say or how to say what was on their mind. Emily skillfully avoided Hotch's eyes as she looked all around the room at the flowers and balloons telling him to get better soon. Hotch's gaze bore into Emily and he finally realized he was going to have to be the one to break the silence.

"We should talk."

"There is nothing to talk about," Emily shrugged effortlessly in her attempt to not go down this road.

"What happened—"

"I should get going," Emily interrupted quickly as she headed for the door. She could feel the tears starting to burn her eyes and there was no way she wanted to show him how much he affected her. Her hand was on the door knob when Hotch stopped her.

"Don't walk away from this Emily! Do you want things to be awkward between us because they will be if you just keep leaving without giving me a chance to say anything. You don't know how I feel," he blurted out with a hint of anger lacing his voice.

Emily swiveled around to face him and Hotch was taken back by the look on her face. The raw emotion that was there and in all honesty he was worried he wasn't going to like what she had to say.

"_I_ don't know how you feel?" she scoffed as she took a step closer to the bed. "You don't think I know how _you_ feel?" she yelled. "There is absolutely no doubt in my mind how you feel about me, and I'm not walking away because I want things to be awkward between us, I want things to go back to the way they were and this is the only way that I know how to do that."

"I don't think—"

"God I was so stupid," she cried out as a few tears escaped her eyes, "I saw you lying there bleeding and all I wanted to do was make the pain go away. But instead of doing any of that I did the dumbest thing possible!" Emily threw her arms up in exasperation. "I blurted out my feelings for you. It was stupid I realize that and trust me when I say from now on I will think before I speak, so don't sit there and try to tell me that I don't know how you feel." She quickly wiped her face and took another deep breath. "I knew I was wrong to tell you the second the words left my mouth, but I couldn't take them back no matter how much I wanted to. You want to know the worst part about all of this? Do you?" she asked and waited patiently for Hotch to nod his head. "It wasn't the fact that I acted without thinking, or the fact that you were shot. The worst part is that right before you passed out you started to call me Prentiss and then right when you wake up you tell the doctor you want to speak with me. Were you in such a rush to tell me that you didn't have feelings for me that you had to see me first?"

Hotch started to open his mouth to speak but Emily didn't let him get a word in edge wise. "You don't get it do you? I don't care what you have to say. I don't care about being let down gently. None of that matters to me. I just want to go back to the way that we used to be." She let her head drop down to her chest. "If you can't do that then I'll need to put in for a transfer, because I can't keep avoiding you," she admitted softly as she headed for the door again. "Feel better sir," she mumbled as she made her way out of the room ignoring Hotch calling her name repeatedly before the door shut tightly behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

Emily spent the rest of the day trying to get past what happened at the hospital. A small part of her wondered what Hotch would have said if she had actually let him talk, but she knew that it was better this way. There was nothing he could have said that would have made anything less horrible in her eyes. There were three sharp knocks on Emily's door and she slowly walked over and opened it up. "What are you doing here?" she asked with anger lacing her tone.

"They just released me and this was the only place I wanted to be. I wanted to come and talk to you."

"You have nothing I want to hear," she began but was quickly cut off by Hotch.

"I just want a chance to explain." He said as he walked into her apartment shutting the door behind him.

"There is nothing to explain!" she cried out. "Nothing you say or do will change my opinion of what happened. Nothing happened, so why even bother. Just give—"

Emily was cut off again but this time it was by Hotch's lips crashing onto hers. Emily responded for a split second before she came to her senses. She pushed him away from her and before she could stop herself her hand collided with his face with a deafening smack.

"OH MY GOD!" Emily exclaimed. "Hotch, I'm so sorry!"

"Ow!" Hotch cried out in a delayed reaction as he brought his hand up to ease the sting.

"Are you okay?"

"What the hell was that for? Wasn't that what you wanted?" Hotch wondered out loud.

Any thought of apologizing anymore flew out of the window at his words. "What?" she asked then continued, not even giving him a chance to answer her. "No, that's not what I want. I don't want you to kiss me because you think it'll make the awkwardness between us go away. I don't want you to kiss me because you think it's what I want. I want you to kiss me because it's what you _want_ to do!" She shook her head in disbelief as she backed away from him. "I can't believe you."

"Wait!" Hotch called out as Emily turned to walk away. She slowly turned back to face him, as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"What?" she asked sounding defeated.

Hotch took a step forward. "I _did_ kiss you because I wanted to. There is a part of me that wants things to go back to how it was. Without things being strained and awkward. I want you to be able to look at me with happiness in your eyes instead of all the sadness that I put there. _But,_" he continued with more passion in his tone, "there's a larger part of me that wants to see where we can take this. I want to take you out and let the world know you're mine, and watch all the guys realize that they missed out an amazingly beautiful woman. That _I _almost missed out on her. I just want you Emily, and I don't know, I guess I was too much of a chicken to let you know that."

"Then why did you—"

"I was just shot," he cut her off knowing the question already. "I wasn't thinking clearly, but your words, your confession," he clarified, "made me hang on because I knew someone loved me. I knew you loved me probably as much as I loved you."

Emily dropped her arms down to her sides in defeat. Hotch took another step forward and brushed a stray hair behind her ear.

"I was crushed when you didn't come see me," he confessed softly. "I don't blame you. I understand completely. Chances are I would have done the same. I'm sure you were just as crushed thinking I didn't feel the same way. Thinking I didn't want you. But I do Emily. I want every part of you. The good, the bad, the funny," he said with a smile which Emily returned.

"So," she started, "you _do _feel the way I do?"

"Yes."

Emily punched him in his shoulder. "That's for making me feel like an idiot," she exclaimed. She then quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a breathtaking kiss which he happily returned. When air became a necessity they pulled apart, resting their foreheads together. "And _that_ is for feeling the same way I do," she beamed as she ran a hand caressingly through his short hair.

Hotch trailed his hands up and down Emily's back before sliding them up to cup her cheeks. "Thank you for being so much braver than me." He placed another gentle kiss against Emily's plump lips which she sighed into.

"No thanks necessary," Emily smiled as she kissed Hotch again with everything she had…and then some.


End file.
